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David Wood: Tough Conversations, Speaking Your Truth & Adult Diapers

My guest is a former Consulting Actuary to Fortune 100 companies including Sony Music, Chanel and Exxon.

He left his cushy Park Avenue job over years ago to build the world's largest coaching business. He became the number one position on Google for life coaching, serving an audience of over 150,000 coaches and coaching thousands of hours in twelve countries around the globe.

He believes that tough conversations we avoid are the ones that are doorways to confidence, success and love.

They become defining moments that shape our world. He coaches high performing entrepreneurs, executives and teams and prison inmates to create amazing results in deep connection one tough conversation at a time.

His name is Mr. David Wood.

In the show, we go deep.

This is going to be a fascinating show. I'm curious to hear what your comments and questions are going to be on the good old social media, but let me tell you a little bit of where we're headed.

We get into tough conversations and why they are powerful and how to have them effectively. We talk about speaking your truth and bringing out what is maybe dormant inside of you, into the world so that you can live your best life.

We talk about adult diapers and an incredible experience that he has where he broke his body. We talk about the power of letting go, when the right time is, how to do so and why you want to let go of certain things in your life. Even the things that you might not be aware of.

This is going to be a very deep show. With that said, let's get to it.

Dustin
David, you're floating in the air enjoying the scenic, mountainous landscape of the beautiful country of Colombia when all of a sudden, your paraglider experiences a full collapse and seconds later, you slam into the Earth, fracturing your spine. To make matters more interesting, you're in a foreign country being whisked away to a hospital. David, if you would take us back to this moment in your life, what's going on? What's going through your head and how do you recover from this?
David
I'm glad you brought up the foreign country because everyone was talking to me in Spanish. Also, while I was in the air, the paragliding instruction I was getting was in Spanish, which might give us a clue as to why I crashed. They'd be saying to me while I'm in the air, “No te aferres a tu paracaídas,” but it didn't sound like that to me. It sounded like, “blah, blah.” They decide that if they say it louder and faster, then I'll get it. What they were saying was, “Don't hold onto your parachute. That’s a bad thing to do. Don't do that,” but I didn't know that. I crashed. I got down to a foot off the ground about to touch down and then a little bubble of air took me back up and I didn't control the wing properly. I had a partial collapse of the wing and I came in and slammed into the ground on my butt. There was blinding agony and I screamed. That was the first thing, I was screaming.
After a few seconds, maybe five seconds, you can hear it on the video, because I had my GoPro on at the time. You can hear me say, "I'm okay. I know what this is." Because 4 or 5 years earlier, I had a Parkour accident and I'd fractured almost the same vertebrate by falling on my butt. It was the same sensations. I could wiggle my toes. I'm like, "I'm going to be bleeding into my back here. There will be contusions, bruising. I may have slightly fractured my spine, but I know what this is." I had a surprising amount of peace, which is another reason I plan to publish the video. I still haven't published it. It's maybe a little bit raw but I want people to see that even with extreme circumstances, with the right attitude, you can have a good day. I'd like to say I was whiffed away.
That would be ideal but I'm in the mountains. They didn't have ambulances floating around the paragliding sites, although that's not a bad idea. They put me under cover, at least the sun wasn't on my face and then left me alone for an hour. I was on a stretcher while I waited for the ambulance. I was pretty comfortable. The pain was manageable. I was pretty much at peace and then it took the ambulance and another hour to get me to the hospital. The worst thing about the day, to be honest, was the fact that I'd already been flying for two hours and I need to pee pretty regularly. The pressure was building up and as we were in the ambulance, I took out my video and I did a real candid video. I said, "This is killing me."
I have more pain from my bladder than I do from my back, which was fractured and I'm trying to pee. They were rolling me over, stopping the ambulance and take two people to roll me over and immobilize me. They'd look away so I could pee and I just could not. The more it builds up, the more I couldn't pee. The ironic thing is because I was flying cross country, I've had to deal with this pee in midair issue. It's something that plagues a lot of paragliding pilots. How do you pee when you're 3,000 feet in the air? I had an adult diaper on in preparation for this long-distance flight. I'm in the ambulance doing this video saying, "The good news is I happen to have an adult diaper on. I should be able to pee right now lying down. The bad news is my body will not let go." That was the worst bit of out of the whole experience.
Dustin
Your body was in a state of shock or pain like you could not physically pee?
David
Yeah, but I don't even think it was the shock of the pain. If you ever have gone to a public bathroom and someone's waiting for you to go and you're trying. I'm not used to peeing on my back to status. You might have an adult diaper on, but I'll tell you, readers, the adult diaper doesn't mean that you can automatically pee after a lifetime of training yourself to not let go of control unless you're in the bathroom. Fully clothed, sitting in a paraglider at 3,000 feet being shaken around, it was super hard for me to try and learn how to pee. Lying in an ambulance, being shaken around, my body's like, "No, we're not going to let go. You spent 50 years training not to do that.”
Dustin
I can tell this is going to be a great conversation. David, you're no stranger to tough situations. I want to ask you, but I want to give some people some context of what you've been through in life. Us as a human race, all of us, we're all interconnected. We all go through things and some of us go through different things. You witnessed the death of your sister at age seven. You've battled anxiety and depression. You've broken your body twice. When I heard you describe how calm you were, I'm curious as to your process. When life brings a tough situation, whether that's physically or mentally, emotionally, financially, how do you maintain that composure? How did you do that when your back was cracked and you're like, "I know where I'm at." How did you calm yourself? How do you do that? What do you recommend for others?
David
Something practical I can give you that doesn't apply to this situation, but as an example, I’ve lost my laptop a couple of times. If your whole life is on your laptop, you'll know what I'm talking about, it can be scary. It's like, "What am I going to do without all those files and how am I going to work?" Something that seems to go through my head sometimes is, "Let's assume it's happened. Let's assume I don't get it back. What's going to happen? How am I going to be?" It's a letting go process I do. I'm like, "If that happens, that's the worst case, then I'll buy another computer. It'll be awkward for a while. I won't be able to work for a while." I go straight to it instead of worrying. I've done this before with let's say I'm late and I'm starting to get stressed because I'm trying to get somewhere and there's a road closure. "What's the worst case? What's this going to look like? I'm going to be fifteen minutes late. I'm going to be embarrassed. I'll apologize."
This letting go, sometimes this is what I aspire. I don't pretend that I'm always able to do it. Let's take the fracturing your spine example. The first time it happened, it was during a Parkour accident and I was not calm. I was worried. I was thinking I might not walk again. Plus, the pain was perhaps beyond anything I'd felt before. I was scared. I still went through the same process, "Maybe I won't walk again." The pain will stop. Maybe I don't walk. I'll be in a wheelchair. I'm going to rock that out.” I'm going to be like, "Here's how to make life work in a wheelchair and I'll probably go on stages. They'll probably pay me more because I'm going to a wheelchair." My mind goes through some of that stuff, but it probably didn't happen in the first fifteen minutes because I'm panicking.
When the paragliding crash happened, I had the benefit of having been through this same injury before. That's what changed it. I've been through it before. I know I'm going to walk again and I recovered last time fairly quickly. I'll probably recover again. I was making jokes. I'm talking to the guys in Spanish. I'm receiving them. My heart feels open. I'm like, "Thank you." People are nice to you when you break your back. If you haven't had an experience like that where you've had to go to the hospital, it's such a surrendered, powerless experience. You can't even move yourself. You can't help yourself. You need other people to sometimes save your life. It's such a wonderful feeling to go, "Thank you." All these resources for me and you're going to take care of me. It's quite a beautiful experience once I got past that incredible fear.
Dustin
David, I find it interesting and I want to applaud you for making a distinction here and giving it to others because it can be such an emotional thing. The power of letting go, when your back is broken or severely injured that's the core of your body. You cannot do anything without the help of others. On the same token, you were in the ambulance and you wanted to let go. You wanted to pee but you couldn't. There's this dichotomy, you are in the ambulance you experienced getting help and you had to let go. That was the lesson that I saw for you is this whole idea of letting go. This was your opportunity to relearn that.
David
It's ironic that while I'm letting go in many ways, surrendering and enjoying the flow of the day. I had a good day that day. People say, "It must have been horrendous." No, I had a good day. It's ironic that while I'm surrendering and allowing, I'm not able to let go in my body. I thought of another lesson because when I got to the hospital, I still hadn't peed. I hadn't peed two hours of the paraglider flight. I hadn't peed for the two hours of getting to the hospital. I don't know at what point the bladder ruptures. This is a real concern for me. I spoke to every person I met and said the same thing. I said it in Spanish, "I need to pee, it's urgent." Nothing happened in the first 2 or 3 people. I was persistent and the fourth person I said it to, had said, "Yeah, right."
They went, "He hasn't peed at all since the accident?" They're like, "No." They're like, "Okay." They started taking notice. I said, "I need to stand because I can't pee laying down. It's not working." They said, "You can't stand until you get X-ray." This is all in Spanish. "We can't X-ray you until we get approval from your insurance company in Australia." I kept pushing and persisting and I said, "This is an emergency. My bladder might rupture. You have to X-ray me now so that I can stand up and we can get this handled." They said, "Okay, we'll do that. We're going to designate this an emergency and therefore we don't need to do that." Had I not spoken up, had I not continually 4, 5, 6 times and said, “This is pressing, I need you to know what can we do,” then I could have been in a lot of trouble. 
Dustin
I know this is a perfect segue into our conversation, which is tough situations for sure, but the conversations around that. This is the perfect thing, but before we go in and when we say the word tough conversations or the phrase or however you want to say it, a lot of people instantly think of what that means to them. It's wise for us to define. At least from your perspective, what is a tough conversation to you?
David
Let's call it something else because I've been calling it tough conversations for a while. It's not that appealing. People aren't walking around going, "I want to have a tough conversation." No, people want easy conversations. Let's call it speaking your truth. Let's talk about speaking up. You might have a request or you might want to share something with someone. You might want to be self-expressed about something or you want to show leadership, demonstrate leadership and speak up about an issue that's not working for you. That's way more appealing than a tough conversation. It might end up being a tough conversation because the other person might have reactions and speaking a truth sometimes creates waves. I'm these days and you wouldn't have known that because we haven't even changed the packet. I'm finding it more appealing to talk about how you can speak your truth and do it in a way that might we well received and get you the result you want.
Here are some examples to speak to your question. It’s a tough conversation as any conversation that might be awkward for you. Often when you're speaking your truth, it's going to be awkward in some way. An example could be at work, say, “I need you to change your behavior.” It could be at home, “Something you're doing has been bugging me and I wonder, could we talk about it?” “I'm feeling guilty about something. I broke an agreement and I want to tell you about it and make it right," or at work. "I screwed up." "I took a bunch of stuff home from work and I haven't replaced it. That's not cool. I want to make it right and apologize." There are many ways to speak your truth in awkward situations. That's what I'm talking about by a tough conversation.
Dustin
No one wants to go around necessarily having a tough conversation. Once they understand the benefit, we'll lean into them. I would hope a little bit more. I was going to take us down a different road here, but this idea of speaking your truth perhaps tough conversation, when you have to have one of these with someone else. I do want to ask you about tough conversations or speaking you're true to yourself at first most certainly. Before we go there, when you need to have a conversation or to share your truth with others, what's your advice here? There is a way to speak, there's a way to communicate, but there's a way to communicate effectively. You could be blunt and say, "Your work sucks. It needs to change," or you could frame it differently. Where do you land in this spectrum of being blunt, speak your truth as it is or we'll work to make it effective?
David
I have a four-step blueprint for this, which anybody can use for any conversation. You do your prep because one of the reasons we avoid speaking our truth or having a tough conversation is that we can't see how to do it. We're not even clear on what's happening. We might feel upset about something, but we don't yet know what. We might have a desire, but we're not clear what it is. We might be afraid of an outcome, but we haven't nailed down what the fear is. It's a mess in our head. It's no wonder that we'll sweep it under the carpet and not speak up. The first thing you can do is get clarity. With the four-step blueprint comes a worksheet. It's a one-pager and I'll ask you questions like, "What's your hope out of having this conversation? What could go well? What could you both get out of this?" A critical step, because if you can't come up with hope or an intention, you fumble around in the dark. Why would you even bother having a conversation if he can't see some profit in it? This is a critical step.
Also, the sheet will ask you, "Is there a fear or concern here?" I guarantee there is or you wouldn't even be calling it a tough conversation. Another way of putting that is, what could go wrong here? That's useful to get clear on. “I'm worried that you'll be upset with me. I'm worried that you'll call me over-sensitive and worried that nothing's going to change.” Whatever it is, hand it to get clear. It'll ask you, "Is there a request you could make?" This is a huge leadership move. Instead of complaining or sharing your emotions, is there something they could do that would help the situation? It's not always easy to come up with that. Someone asked me, "What's your request?" I'm like, "I want her to go back in time and do it differently. I want to wish it never happened." I was like, "I can't come up with a request." I had to keep looking until I found what something they could do that would make it better.
Let's say you've done your preparation. You'll have clarity and you're going to feel much more interested in having that conversation because you're not going to get blindsided. You already know what you're afraid of and you can share that. You already know what your hope is and you can share that. You already know what your request is. Here are the four steps. One, ask permission. Can I talk to you about that thing that happened? I'm feeling a little bit awkward about it then I often slip in the hotpot from the sheet. My hope is that we can be on the same page and work better together or that I can let go of this and get back to enjoying your company or whatever it is. There'll be some hope that's a good outcome. I often slip that in with the ask permission because it helps enrollment in saying yes. You say to me, "Can I talk to you about something hard and difficult?" I may not want to say yes. If you ask permission, put a timeframe on it. It probably takes about ten minutes and say, "Here's my hope out of this. I want you to feel at peace,” whatever it is.
Step two, you share your fear or concern. I'm hesitant to bring it up because you might find me. You might be upset with me because I screwed up or I'm hesitant to bring this up because you might get upset and break up with me. There are valid concerns about speaking your truth. I find it helpful to preempt it. Firstly, lets the person know that you're on your edge like, "This is edgy for me and I have this worry or fear. This isn't easy." They might go a little gentler on you. Secondly, by preempting and saying, "I'm worried you might get defensive or I'm worried you might not hear me out." You got a better chance now they're going to go, "He's already worried I'm not going to hear him out. I'll hear him out."
Step three, share the issue, whatever it is, “When you did this, I felt this and it didn't feel good.” This is a great place to bring in your request. This is all on the four-step blueprint what you can even take it with you. Fill it in, take it with you to the conversation and say, "I wrote down some talking points because I wanted to make sure I did my best. Put my best foot forward with this and I didn't forget anything." Take write with you and read from the sheet. If you have a request, this is a good place to do it. “My request is that you be on time for every meeting and if you're going to be late, you let me know as soon as you know that you're going to be late.”
Step four, I'm quite excited about this one because I miss this initially. Step four is you get curious and listen. They've listened to you, you shared the issue, you've maybe made your request, and you don't want to generate an issue for them to hold onto so that they've got to have a tough conversation with you. This is a good chance to get curious and listen and find out. How is it for you that I brought this up? Is it weird, is it good? What are your thoughts? I want to hear anything you've got to say about this and then you listen. They might have a better idea than you did. Your request might've been good, but they might have a better idea. I'm thinking, “What if we try this. Here's my perspective. Here’s how I saw it. I don't think that'd be appropriate to do that." You're going to get curious and listen and that's where you can work it out together.
Dustin
David, I'm blown away by this. It’s well-structured and incredibly powerful. As you know, before we started, I want to share this. We talked about being vulnerable and I thought that essentially the way to be better at these conversations is to lean into them and reveal your vulnerability. That's a small component of what you shared. I want to encourage people to get this because like, "Why not have this?" If you're an achiever, if folks are reading this, David, they are looking for that. They're going to have a tough conversation or they're going to want to speak their truth in their journey. I want to say thank you for sharing this.
David
You're welcome. Let's get to the benefits of speaking your truth. Maybe we can talk about cost-benefit because there are pros and cons, the reasons why we don't do it. I'm an evangelist for all the amazing reasons that people may not be quite clear about why they want to do it. First, let me say the two big benefits out of this download that you get. One is conversations that weren't previously accessible to you will now be accessible. The ones that didn't even look like they were possible or they look like there'd be no profit in it, you're going to get clarity from doing this worksheet and you're going to be like, "I could have that." Your options increase exponentially.
Secondly, it will give you a blueprint and a path to follow. It’s a cheat sheet, which increases your chance of it going well. There are many mistakes you can make. It's a minefield. This is why people don't share a lot of their truth. You could hear their mistakes. The opposite of those steps. Don't ask permission, dump it on them. Don't be vulnerable. Don't share a hope or intention out of the conversation so that they don't even know why you're bringing it up. They can feel like a chest dyes child. Don't share a fear or concern so that you're not showing any vulnerability and they don't know what you're on your edge.
Don't share how it felt for you. Don't reveal your emotions. Don't make a request, just complain. Blame them. That's a good way to screw it up and then end it and walk away without getting honestly curious about their world. You do a tough monologue. I haven't said these on a podcast interview before that was fun. I came to me and I'm like, "We should talk about how to screw up speaking your truth." That's the second benefit of the download is that it will give you a blueprint that it's likely to go way better than if you fumbled through it.
Dustin
I'm going to go get mine, and as soon as you get the liquor, as soon as I get off this podcast for sure. I want to encourage others too because I see this as a life tool that people can benefit big time. I want to talk to you about having conversations with yourself, the tough conversations. Before that, this is a personal fascination of mine. I'm curious as to what’s one of the toughest conversations is, or what is one of the truths that you've had to speak into the world?
David
I'll give you 2 or 3 examples. One of them might be a bit of a tease because I don't share the details partly because it's not my story. Someone else is involved, but I can give you enough to give you a sense of it. One of them was calling my mother at the age of 27 and telling her for the first time in my life, “I love you.” We didn't say that in our family. I was terrified to say this. I never have done it. I didn't know what the response was going to be. That was super edgy. Another one that I did that wasn't that hard in the scheme of things, but it wasn't easy. It took me months to work up to it was confessing to a crime where I had vandalized the college sign when I was at a college. I felt bad about it. For years I'd drive past the college sign, I'd be like, "That seemed fun at the time, but it's vandalism. That was not cool."
I called the college principal and I told him what I'd done and apologized and asked if I could pay for it. That was scary partly because I was worried about prosecution. He could have called the police and then my reputation in the community. It could be in the newspaper and I had a professional job work, there's that. I'll tell you the hardest one, which is the story that might be a bit of a tease. When I was younger, I did something that I knew was wrong, but it wasn't until I got older that I realized it's also illegal and I could've gotten in a lot of trouble. I have gotten away with it. I don't think anybody knew, but it didn't feel good to me, partly because I had that hanging over my shoulder my whole life.
I was worried at some point it might bite me on the ass and I hate anything hanging over, waiting for the ax to fall. I'd rather have it full now so that I can be at peace. I ended up tracking down the person that I'd wronged and confessing to what I'd done and said, "I'm sorry. I realized that that's not who I am. If I hurt you in any way, I'm sorry. What can I do to make it right?" My fear in that was prosecution and my fee was jail because I talked to a lawyer and he said, "You could go to jail if they were upset with you and they want to prosecute you go to jail." I was terrified of that, but I decided it was more important for me to apologize to clear this and to try and make it right. I was willing to risk losing my freedom. All that goes with going to jail and ostracism. To do that was hands down the scariest thing I've done in my life.
Dustin
Did these situations, the school vandalism that you shared, sharing the love word. The last example you shared. I want to be real, do all these situations go well? Were there ones where they didn't forgive you but that's okay because at least you got it off your chest? How did it go?
David
That's an interesting thing about tough conversations and speaking your truth. I find maybe 9 out of 10 times it tends to go well. The mind will present the worst case. That's part of its job. The toughest conversation is often the one you have with yourself in the months and years leading up to having the actual conversation. Also, I called a school bully from twenty years after school and said, "I hated you and I'm letting go of it." All four of those conversations went incredibly well. This is one of the upsides of a tough conversation. You're worried about it, but to the extent that you're worried about it, that's also the extent of the upside. I'll go through them quickly one at a time with the college sign. He invited me to the opening of the new wing of the college. I wasn't welcome in that college for twenty years when I stayed there. I was banned from the college. He invites me to come back and the prime minister of Australia happens to be there opening the new wing.
By a series of bizarre coincidences without even lining up to meet him. He ended up coming over, standing next to me and someone and the principal, the college said, "May I introduce you to a former alumni Prime Minister?" I’ve got to meet the Prime Minister of Australia. I'll tell you all these good results, but then I'll tell you what the ultimate result is. With my mother, she said, "That's good." classic Australian response. Two weeks later, I called her about something and she said, "I wish you'd stop turning over these stones." I said, "What do you mean?" She told me this long story about how she drove. After that conversation, she realized she'd never told her mother that she loved her and her mother was like 85. She drove five hours to see her mother and she tells his long, beautiful story that ends with her chickening out, getting in the car, turning on the engine to drive away and then saying, "If you don't do it now, you never will. You may never get to see her again."
She turns off the engine, walks back up the path and says, "There's something I forgot to tell you. I love you." With this other person whose privacy I try and protect, they told me that there wasn't an impact and they were fine and their life was great. I'm like, "Really? Are you serious?" Twenty, thirty years of me carrying this massive weight was released in an instant. It was one of the best things I ever did. That school bully said to me at the end of this terrifying phone conversation, he said, "What could I say or do now to help you or we move forward?" I'll tell you what, Dustin, time and time again, I like to say that the tough conversations we haven't had form the boundaries of our world.
Those are the walls, the limitations on our world. When you speak your truth, there's an opportunity for you to change your reality. What you thought about someone goes out the window, what they thought about you goes out the window. Whole new things become possible. I can't say enough about it. I'm such an evangelist. It's scary. I acknowledge that you might feel uncomfortable, you might not get the result you're looking for. That secret I was talking about, that secret benefit of all of these tough conversations. I get to feel better about myself in everyone because I spoke up.
Dustin
Even though you have an amazing hand on feverously taking notes. David, I want to talk about the tough conversations with yourself. I was thinking about our chat and how we were going to go about this conversation. I wanted to share with the tribe that knows me. Off the top of my head of prepping, I've had tough conversations in my life, at least the ones that came to me. One, most people know is walking away from a previous business that was tough because of the people involved, but I did it. Two, which I don't think folks know is getting on the same page with my wife about finances. In looking at those are both conversations with other people. What I feel like sharing is even the conversations you have with yourself are incredibly powerful. One, I would love to use me as a guinea pig if you're up for it. Before we go, there is maybe a way to answer the question. How is having a tough conversation with yourself different than like if you have to talk to somebody?
David
My first answer is I don't know. You think I would since I'm the tough conversations expert, I don't know how it's different or at least I haven't thought about how it's different. What I have become aware of is that I used to think it was ridiculous to talk about a relationship with yourself. People say, "How is your relationship with yourself and do you love yourself?" I couldn't relate to it. I'm like, "What is this?" Even when a coach said to me once, "How do you self-soothe?" I'm like, "What are you talking about? Give me a frame of reference here." I thought I have a relationship with myself. I can only have a relationship with other people similar to conversations. I can only have a conversation with other people. I caught myself saying something nasty about myself.
I caught myself putting myself down in my head and I was like, "That's a conversation that I'm having with myself." I didn't even realize it was going on. I realized if I can say something bad to myself, I could say something nice to myself. "I do have a relationship with myself." One of the biggest conversations is about self-esteem. Many of us, including myself, are critical about ourselves and we beat ourselves up in the egos like this. These are the 30 ways you should be different. It's a wonderful conversation that you can have. Firstly, let's start to get clear on what that conversation is that's happening. It's already happening, but you may not have revealed it to yourself. Journaling is a great thing. What are my judgments? “I'm too this. I'm too that. I'm not good enough with women. I'm not good enough with money. I don't take enough action.”
Let's start to work out what's being said in these subconscious conversations and bring them into the light of day. Once you are at least aware of the conversation, you can start looking to shift it. Say, "How could I be nicer to myself?" That's one example that I see of a self-conversation. You've got some other tough ones like, "Am I taking care of my body, my wellbeing? Am I taking care of it in the way that I could be? How am I with other people and how I treat other people, my kids and my staff? Am I too short with them? Am I not? What are my honest shortcomings?" This isn't about beating yourself up, but one of the stuff I can work on. For example, with me, it took me years to be able to name I'm arrogant. I'm the smartest person in almost every room. I think my way is the right way. Look at me, I've got the solution." That's one example. You start to realize and own like, "I have some shortcomings." There's another example of a time, I don't know if I answered the question, which is how is it different? I'm not sure how it's different, but I've come to believe that it's an exciting realm where you can go in deep with yourself.
Dustin
Visually, I see it in pictures. What I heard and saw was a similar process because I'm coming to learn your methodology but taking the time to slow down and ask what those subconscious thoughts are. Next, moving to the question, how can I be better? If something's negative, it's like, "How can I be better? How can this be done differently?" Seeing how you feel about that. 
David
Something you said is becoming more important in my life. The idea of slowing down. I had a girlfriend who called it Slowing Down to the Speed of Love. What happens? Our life is fast. I imagine 200 years ago it was a little bit chiller, but it's fast that I don't know what I'm thinking. I don't. It's if you say to a fish, how's the water? The fish might respond. What water? We don't know what we're thinking. We don't even know that we are believing that person is a jerk and they're not going to change because we haven't looked at it. We don't like the person. There are all these uninvestigated thoughts. Then let's go deeper. I don't know what I'm feeling emotion wise. I wasn't taught. My parents didn't say, "David, how are you feeling at this moment?" I could not work that out. What about bodily sensations? I didn't know I had a body till I was 36. I lived in my head. I still often do. We need to slow down to reveal what we're thinking and believing in ourselves. What our emotions are to ourselves and what our bodily sensations are to ourselves? This isn't going to happen overnight, but you can learn this with a coach or doing the right courses or right training.
Once you become aware of that, you can slow down with another person enough for you to both work out what's happening in real-time and this is incredibly unusual. This is uncommon. If you and I are arguing, we're going at it trying to get to a solution or I'm trying to defend myself or whatever. It's not like, "Let's slow this down. I notice as I hear you speak, I want to defend myself. I noticed that you seem to be speaking loudly and my heart's racing. I feel like I'm going into fight or flight." This might be the subject of another podcast episode, but authentic relating and slowing down can help with these tough conversations because you're getting clarity yourself. You can let another human being know what's happening. Until you can reveal your experience to yourself, what hope do you have of letting another human know what's going on with you?
Dustin
I can relate big time. You made that comment when you were 36, you then realized you had a body. I feel the same way. Slowing down has been a big theme. I want to achieve, I want to win, I want to get results in my life. Often, it's fast-paced. I found it slowing down. That's the key, especially for achievers. We all want to go faster, but the key is the other way is to slow down and analyze. I want to say, "I get it." I want to encourage other people to do it too. It may sound foreign to them but try it.
David
For me, it's a process. I did a course on it. I'll get some coaching on it. It's a lifetime journey for me to overcome 51 years of habit to do something differently. I was on the street and I jumped into a parking spot. I'd been waiting across the road for someone to pull out and they did. I pulled out, jumped into the spot. I get cussed out. I've never seen anything like this. This woman was in the middle of the road in her car, "F you. You get out of there. What now? How dare?" She cussed me out. I went into fight or flight, but I wasn't able to slow it down enough to realize and to say in a moment, "My heart's pounding right now. I feel in fight or flight." I was able to let her know what was going on with me and she kept on going with the tirade. I kept breathing and breathing and listening. I said I don't know where. I said, "I didn't want to give you a bad day." She pulled over. She got out of the car, she melted and she said, "I'm angry and it's got nothing to do with you. I'm angry at the bottom of my heart. I'm sorry. May I hug you?"
I was worried she was playing possum. I said to her, "You're not going to hit me, are you?" It looks like she was going to hit me three seconds earlier. She said, "No, of course not." I said, "Come here." I gave her a 30-second hug. I said, "I hope your year is a great one center on her way." That's taken a lot of training to get to the point. What I want for readers, if you can catch it in the moment and reveal it, that's a huge win. What's going to happen for most people is you'll catch it later, it will happen later, you realize and you'll do the worksheet that we'll give you. You'll go, "This is what's happening. I felt disrespected or I felt defensive because I felt like I was being attacked." You'll go on and have the conversation. You'll clean it up after the fact. I'm throwing in some ninja moves that you can aspire to, that I still aspire to of catching it in the moment and slowing it down and say, "Let's look at what's happening here." It's uncommon in our society, but if I have anything to say about it in ten years, it'll be more common.
Dustin
David, I find it refreshing that you're human. A lot of times, you interview folks. They're the expert on things and you think, "They've got it figured out and nothing fazes them and they all place great investments and they magically touch businesses and they grow." It's powerful to hear you say you still do it. Your heart races.
David
I know, and with all my training, I've studied something called Emotional Aikido where someone's coming at you with a lot of judges. I know the four steps, I know how to do it, but with this woman or someone's coming at me and yelling at me, it can take me 5, 10, 30 minutes to realize, "This is an opportunity for that thing to listen and breathe." The woman who teaches this, we go into prisons and we teach this. We would be teaching it to prison staff and someone was attacking her. Someone was like, "I had an issue with her." She started to respond and I could tell it was going to be a defense. I whispered in her ear, I was right next to her. I went, "Aikido." I whispered it and she stopped. She reoriented it and she said, "Tell me more about that." Would it be great if we could all have someone sitting on our shoulder to go, "You're about to blow this? Here's a chance for you to slow it down, be a little more vulnerable, listen more." I'm biased towards coaching. I'm a coach. That's one of the ways I use a coach. Show me my patents. Nudge me out of them so I can practice something.
Dustin
I most certainly want that. The person followed me around to say that. You mentioned prisons and that was a question that I have. I'm curious as to why you went to prisons and what are some of the things that you've taken out of that? That's a whole different tough conversation or speaking your truth. I'm curious because I've never been to.
David
It's fascinating. I'll tell you and I want to note, I've got about four more minutes left and then I have to get on another call. One of the biggest things I got was humility. I did a course once and they were big on twelve-step programs. Every day you're going to go to a twelve-step program. I'm like, "You're kidding me." After 5 or 6, 12-step programs, I got humility because I was seeing myself as better than all of these alcoholics or drug users. I've got my life together. You guys aren't strong enough. After listening to them and what they go through each day, I felt humbled and I felt admiration for them. I'm like, "You are some of the strongest people I've ever met on the planet. The fact that you're alive, given what you're going through and haven't taken your own life, you're stronger than I am." I got humility and respect out of that. Going into the prisons again, I still have a judgment, "I've made better decisions than you. You robbed that store, that's your fault. You put yourself in here." I didn't have a lot of compassion.
A couple of things changed. One, I've realized that a lot of people in prison have been abused sexually, physically as kids. They grow up with uncomfortable sensations. They're trying to handle relationships, they're trying to hold down a job. They're trying to handle like, being sober could be difficult because they got anxiety and depression, which I've had a lot of in my life. Drugs looked like a smart move, which once you start putting yourself in their shoes, it's like, "I've tried this. I'll have a good night." They get themselves in trouble. I started having some compassion for them and seeing less of me versus them. The other thing is watching them in prison and I started looking at, "What have I done that's illegal in my life?" It wasn't immediately apparent but I'm like, "I've gone over the speed limit. What if I was speeding, hit and killed somebody? I might be charged with murder for that."
There are people in prison. I met one who helped conspire to commit a robbery. She didn't do the rubbery, she helped plan it. They did a different plan. Someone got shot and killed. She's got 25 years in jail. I realized, "What about that time that I didn't want to go and pay a doctor for sleeping pills?" I had an old prescription, but someone's like, "You can get those from India. What about that time? Did you know that it's a felony?" I didn't know that's a felony. I looked it up. How many of us have gotten behind the wheel of a car thinking "I'm pretty sure I'm good?" I'm not 100% sure there's a 10% chance I'm over the limit. What if you hit and killed someone? You're going to go to jail for a long time. The us versus them thing broke down for me and I feel humbled. I spoke to a therapist about this in prison and she said "Sometimes the only thing separating me from them is luck." I got away with some of the laws I broke and some people didn't. That's one of my big takeaways.
Dustin
David, I could speak to you for hours about this. You're easy to talk to and I love it. I want to thank you and acknowledge you. I know you have to run. I want to encourage folks to check out if they want to continue this conversation and have more speaking your truth style conversations at PlayForReal.life. Is that the best way for folks to get the resource that you had mentioned and to continue a conversation with you?
David
Yeah, a couple of invites there. It's PlayForReal.life. It's not .com. You can download the blueprint. It's obvious, run on that page. You can also join my podcast, Tough Conversations with David Woods. You can read as well as the amazing Dustin. If something resonated for you in this call and you're interested in having both your life and your work or business be better because I don't work with one or the other. I work with a whole person. If you're interested in that, see if you qualify for a discovery session. If you do, I don't charge for it because it's how I find the right people to work with long-term. We'll create a great plan for your life in business and if coaching seems appropriate, we'll talk about how to set that up. If not, then, I hope you'll keep me posted with how it goes.
Dustin
David, thank you big time for being on the show. Even more importantly, thanks for what you're doing in the world. You're making all of us better through speaking your truth and having these conversations. Thanks for being on the show.
David
You're welcome. Thanks.

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